By Mike Berry
A few weeks ago, my family and I were fortunate to head south after Christmas and spend 4 days in the beautiful mountains of Tennessee. To say that it was amazing would be an understatement. But what I found so amazing was not the scenery around me (although being from Indiana you really don’t see mountains like that). The best part was being limited in internet and cell phone access. There was no internet connectivity the entire time.
I loved it. For the first time in a very long time I was able to “unplug” from the usual hustle of work and life and just be in the moment. But it was the second morning that really moved me. I was sitting in the living room of our cabin when out came a tidal wave of little people who jumped in my lap and wrapped their tiny hands around my neck. For the next 30 minutes I snuggled with my kids on the sofa and watched the sunrise. Priceless!
As I sat still, taking in the moment, breath completely gone, the thought came to me- “In this new year, I want to connect more than ever to my family.” This was more important than anything. In our hearts, we all want this, don’t we? We’re all looking for this. But how? How do we connect in the midst of everything we have to do in life? That morning, I thought about it in terms of my own life. I’m the father of 8 children. That’s a lot. So here are a few ways I believe you and I can connect to our kids in this new year-
1. Make the choice to connect.
The truth is- there isn’t some secret formula or mathematical equation (which is good because I failed algebra) to connecting to your kids. It really comes down to choice. You must choose to put that iPhone down. You must choose to get off your computer and hang out with your family. You must make the choice to connect to your kids. It’s 97% choice, 3% know-how.
2. Lead, don’t lecture.
My wife and I are natural lecturers. She’s from a long line of educators and I was raised by 2 type-A personalities. We can talk your ear off. Plus, being in ministry, we’re both used to teaching and leading. You get the idea. We recently discovered that when talking things over with our children, especially in discipline and correction, we tend to lecture. We do this for really one reason- we want a reaction. Don’t we all as parents? Nothing angers a well-intentioned parent more than when their child gives them the “I don’t care” look. So, we resort to lecturing in order to get a response. The problem is that lecturing almost always causes a child to zone-out. Think of that college class where the professor spent an hour lecturing. How much do you remember? Children are changed and corrected more by parents who lead them, not those who lecture. The class from college that I remember the most, and was most impacted by, was the class where the professor “led” me to New York City to teach me about urban ministry. He didn’t lecture. You can lead your children in times where discipline is necessary and in times where there are lessons to be taught.
3. Stop thinking that you have a bunch of time.
I’m not a panicky person. I don’t have many worries. But lately it seems my kids are growing faster than I want them to. The daughter I once held tightly in my arms as a baby can almost look my wife in the eye. Scary! And don’t get me started on their “interest” in boys! We get into this mode of thinking that time waits for us. Guess what? It doesn’t. They’re growing, and fast! My challenge to myself and to all of you is this- don’t waste time! Take advantage of every moment you have with your children. Their childhood will be over, and they’ll be heading off to college before you know it.
It’s a tough challenge but it’s one we all need. The three ways I’ve listed are not the only 3 as you well know. There are plenty more.
What are some other ways you can connect to your kids? Take some time to list them out and them work hard to put them into practice.
Mike Berry is the Student Ministry Director at Connection Pointe Christian Church. You can follow him weekly at his blog www.repaintingthewalls.com.
